


Disability Benefits No More

by cutielemon07



Series: What Really Happened at 10 Downing Street [5]
Category: Political RPF, Political RPF - 20th-21st c., Political RPF - UK 20th-21st c.
Genre: All fiction, BBC News, Gen, Movie trailer narrations, Politics, Yep., all fictional, debates, dodgy Morgan Freeman impersonations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-23 04:59:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8314798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cutielemon07/pseuds/cutielemon07
Summary: David Cameron and Nick Clegg try to announce their plan for cutting Disabled Living Allowance on BBC News but fall into a debate and get interrupted by George Osborne.





	

Sian Williams stood outside Number 10 Downing Street for the Prime Minister David Cameron and his Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg. They were apparently due to soon make an important announcement.

Eventually they appeared, alongside the Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne and Sian readied herself. "This is Sian Williams outside Number 10 Downing Street reporting for BBC news on David Cameron’s plan to cut the deficit and reduce the amount of people on benefits." She announced. "We now go live to David Cameron and Nick Clegg." 

Unfortunately for the BBC, David and Nick weren't quite ready. Luckily the microphones weren't on or the Prime Minister and the sort of vaguely Prime Minister would have been in a lot of trouble.

"Okay Clegg. Get over it! I am cutting Disability Living Allowance. George is advising me to and we’re telling everyone it’s to make up the deficit. That way we won’t seem like heartless bastards and everyone gets what they want." David said. 

"Come on Cameron, that’s just being cruel. Disabled people need their DLA. Cutting it is not what _they_ want. Did you ever think of that?" Nick argued.

"Clegg, you have no role in my prime ministerial position-you’re deputy prime minister – but that’s only a vanity title. You are _nothing_ , and to think otherwise-you’re-"

Nick made a noise, interrupting David. "You obviously don’t know what’s best for the British public at all."

"Whatever." David snapped, as if he were a young, angsty teenager.

"I’m serious Dave. You’ll get shot–just like Bush." Nick said.

"You’re thinking of Reagan." David said as he adjusted his speech papers.

"Am I?" Nick sounded genuinely confused. Unbeknownst to him, that was the exact moment their mics got turned on.

"Yes. Reagan got shot. Not Bush, Clinton or G.H.W. Bush. _Reagan_." Dread washed over David as he realised his mic was on. "Hang on. Are we live?" He asked.

"Yeah, we’re live." Someone called back.

David gave a curt nod and clanged briefly down at his speech paper. "Hello, I’m David Cameron, not that you didn’t know. I’m gonna tell you about my new plan to cut the deficit by around fifteen per cent, increase productivity and reduce the amount of people on benefits in the country-"

"This is the story of David Cameron and Nicholas Clegg-two politicians with very different views." George said, doing a very questionable imitation of Morgan Freeman. For some reason.

David turned to his Chancellor of the Exchequer and looked at him in a confused S expression. "George, could you take your movie commentary thing somewhere else please? I’m trying to be like a proper leader here-something, somebody in the world has to actually do. Thanks."

George carried on speaking. "David wants to slash everything in order to make up the UK’s massive deficit."

"Yeah, we’ve obviously established together, that that’s not the case." 

As soon as those words escaped David's mouth, journalists rushed to write down what was going on. 

"Who will win, especially as Nicholas wants to keep _everything_ that David wants to slash."

"Please. Shut up, man." David was practically begging.

"Who will win, ‘The Battle at 10 Downing Street’?" George asked ominously, still continuing his poor Morgan Freeman impression.

"You done now?" David asked. 

George nodded. "Yeah." He muttered quietly.

"Thank you." David grunted, turning back to the press and the cameras.

Nick took a deep breath. "Well... That was... Weird." He said, unable to come up with any other words to describe the occurrence.

"You’re telling me." David muttered. "Now, where were we?" He asked.

"Oh, we were arguing. I was just saying how the Conservative Party only care about rich people and you." Nick said.

"And not _you_ , Clegg." George said smugly.

Nick turned to the Chancellor of the Exchequer "Please, George I’m trying to have a heated discussion with David and you’re being so terribly distracting." He said through gritted teeth.

David punched the air. "Whoo! Shut your pie-hole, George! Right on, Clegg!" He said jubilantly. "Fight the power!"

"That’s _exactly_ what I’m doing!" Nick said exasperatedly. "You might want to get your party to back of a little bit. I mean, is it wise to be cutting Disability living Allowance? You know, these people have disabilities-and you don’t care about them." 

"You’d better watch your back Clegg." David warned. "People might get the idea that you’re a nice guy."

"And what’s wrong with that?" Nick asked.

David glanced over at George and back to Nick. "You're a politician." He said slowly and carefully. "You might benefit from being a little more like me."

"A complete tightwad div?" Nick asked.

David looked at Nick for a few seconds as if he was wondering if Nick was being sarcastic or not. "No." He announced. "A public screw-over!

"I hope that’s not what it sounds like..." Nick mumbled.

"God no!" David roared. "Clegg-is that your filthy mind at work again? No a public screw-over is a man-me-who screws-over the public. Like... By cutting DLA.,

"No Duh." Nick grunted.

"Nobody likes a push-over, man." David shook his head.

"Huh?" Nick looked at David in confusion. "Well... What about Dominatrixes?" He asked.

"Okay, Dominatrixes do. But the majority of people _aren't_ Dominatrixes." David snarled. "That’s why nobody respects you and also why you’re my little lap dog. Even your own party-the Liberal Democrats-don’t respect you. That’s why they disowned you. God! Are you really that blind?" He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head.

"From the days these two politicians were born, they both dreamed of one day ruling Parliament..." George began narrating (badly) as Morgan Freeman again.

David grunted and shut his eyes tightly. "Not this again." He whined.

"They yearned for the power of the prime ministerial position. It is this position that would one day drive a wedge between the duo’s friendships with each other-"

David smacked the palms of his hands down on the podium as hard as he could, interrupting George and as a consequence, grabbing the attention of the press.

"Just to get this straight Clegg and me, we are _not_ friends. It’s _strictly_ professional and _will_ stay that way." David was visibly getting more worked up with every word spoken.

"And now they have arguments about how to rule the country but Clegg must realise that Cameron has _full_ authority and say in _everything_." George spoke in his normal voice.

"Oi!" Nick shouted. "I’m the deputy prime minister, so I have like maybe, two percent authority... Which means you have to listen to me too!" He whined just like a small child.

"I take it then Clegg... That you’re not ready to give up yet?" David asked.

"Yup, you got that right Dave. Never say never. I’m going to fight that and you’ll win over my dead body!" Nick said, all defiantly.

"That’s the idea." David said. Nick looked at him in shock.

"David Cameron-an amazingly attractive and intelligent man-" George began. He was interrupted by Nick. 

"God this is annoying! Dave, did you put him up to this by giving him a bonus of ten grand... With a million on the side?"

"No, he’s just as annoying to me as he is you." David turned to George. "George, you can shut up now! Not everything is an 'in a world where whatever happens' movie trailer."

"And his sidekick Nick Clegg-an imbecile-"

Nick raised his hands with a grunt and stepped away from the podium. "That’s it! I can’t work like this! You’re crazy man! Just shut the hell up!" He pointed a finger at George,

"And with their Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne, together will slash everything except V.A.T and university fees which they will mercilessly raise." George continued.

"Has anyone else had Just about enough of this guy?" Nick whined.

"This is the tale of three politicians and their ‘Battle at 10 Downing Street’." George finished.

"Have you stopped now?" David raised an eyebrow?

"Yup." George said with a nod.

"Back to the matter at hand and I justify cutting Disability Living Allowance because-" David was interrupted. 

"I’m sorry, we’re out of time." Sian Williams said.

"What? Clegg! No!" David whined.

"That was David Cameron and Nick Clegg at a press conference outside 10 Downing Street, talking about cutting disability benefits. With a dodgy Morgan Freeman impression and  some bizarre movie trailer narration from the Chancellor of the Exchequer. George Osborne. For BBC News, I’m Sian Williams."

**Author's Note:**

> This is actually something I had written years ago, like back when they actually cut benefits. I was 17. A friend wrote out George Osborne's bits because he had a twisted sense of humour.   
> If you're reading this, you know who you are.


End file.
